


Went Off Like Sirens, Just Crying

by Visionsofdazzlingrooms



Series: Some Things You Just Can’t Speak About [13]
Category: blue bloods
Genre: Anxiety, Baby Jack - Freeform, Danny and Linda, Depression, F/M, Joe is the best brother, Mental Breakdown, Poor Danny, lindanny, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Visionsofdazzlingrooms/pseuds/Visionsofdazzlingrooms
Summary: It’s Linda and Joe to the rescue when Danny’s mental health starts to suffer
Relationships: Danny Reagan/Linda Reagan
Series: Some Things You Just Can’t Speak About [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899769
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Went Off Like Sirens, Just Crying

**Author's Note:**

> Buckle your seat belts, kids, cause this is a long one! 
> 
> There’s deep depression in this one, as well as a mental breakdown. Skip if that’s touchy or triggering for you. And please get help if and when you need. There’s no shame in asking!

The many layers blankets felt good on top of his body. They were heavy, and it felt like he was being crushed, but it felt good. It felt cathartic. 

Danny’s phone rang and he squinted at the bright light from the screen. Through bleary eyes, he saw Linda’s picture. Linda. She was his light in all his storms, but it felt like she was burning out, or she would once she talked to him. He picked up, right before it went to voicemail. 

“Thank goodness you picked up!” Linda’s voice filled his ears. Her New York accent came out more when she was angry, sad, worried, or stressed. She waited for him to tell her he had been in the bathroom, and his phone was left on the table. She waited for him to tell her he was taking a nap and his phone was on silent, but he didn’t tell her any of those things. He didn’t speak a word. “Danny?”

He swallowed the thick lump of tears, and managed a pathetic, “yeah?” It was muffled by the pillows, and the mounds of blankets. The room was almost pitch-black dark; the curtains were drawn tightly together, prohibiting the sun to shine through into the room. The door and windows were shut, locking out the world. 

“Are you okay?”

Danny wanted to lie to her, to tell her he was fine. But he wasn’t; and she could so easily see through his bullshit, he had to tell her the truth. “No.”

Linda recognized this, “can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He felt the tears starting to choke him, “no.” How pathetic was he?!

She felt the fear settling in her gut. The last time he was like this and she wasn’t home, he tried to... “I need you to answer some questions, okay, sweetie?”

Danny barely recognized that as her “nurse mode”. How he wished she could hold him, and block out the world with her soft touches and clear blue eyes. “‘Kay.”

“Are you hurt?”

Physically? No. Mentally? Completely. “No.”

“Where are you?”

“At Dad’s.” He felt like his throat was that desert in Fallujah- dry, vast, and no way out. He started swallowing just to get his throat a little wet; it didn’t help. 

“Is someone there with you?”

He had to think about that. Who was downstairs waiting for him to feel better? Was it Dad? Erin? Jamie? “Joe.” 

That was right. He had told Joe he had a migraine, and needed to be in a dark room for a few hours. Joe had agreed, but told him to keep the door unlocked in case a problem should arrive. Danny didn’t have to ask what his brother meant by ‘problem’. Joe meant him, Danny was the problem. 

“Joe. Good. Do you know where he is?”

“Probably looking at my cards.” 

Was that a joke? Every Thursday, when possible, Joe and Danny took an hour or two to play card and board games with each other. When other family members were available, they joined in on the fun as well. 

“He’s in the house, though?”

“Yes.”

Linda bit her lip, scared of the next answer. “Are you... did you hurt yourself?”

Danny heard the fear and hesitation in her voice, and it saddened him. He didn’t blame her for asking- he blamed himself that she had the need to ask. He hurt all over, but there was not a new scar, scratch, or scab on him. “No.”

She sighed of relief. “I’m on my way home. Where are you?”

“My room.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Can I video call you?”

“You’re driving.” He sounded worse than pathetic. 

“I’m in a parking lot right now. Danny, I need to see you.”

“Okay.” It took all of five seconds for the video call to come in. He answered it, his face still buried in pillows. 

Linda had a million questions to ask; why was the room dark? Why was every blanket and pillow on top of and around him? Why did he sound so hurt, so strangled? “Were you taking a nap?”

“No.” Danny answered, finding little relief in seeing his wife’s face. He managed to smile at her brown locks (on a whim she decided to grow out the blonde and have a year or so of her natural color). Danny actually really loved it as the rich, chocolatey brown it was now. 

“Are you hurting? Does your head hurt, your stomach?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sick?”

“No.”

Linda knew these answers; she just needed to hear them. “How long have you been in bed?”

“I don’t know.” Any second now, he was sure he was going to cry. 

“Did you eat today?”

“No.” Food tasted awful, even if it was food he loved. He tried to eat an apple, it tasted mealy and like cleaner fluid. 

“When was the last time you ate?” She knew the answer. 

He thought about the last meal he ate; it was at his house, with Linda and the baby. The baby! Crap, he was supposed to look after him, wasn’t he? “Linda, where’s Jack?”

“He’s not with you?” 

He thought about it. Joe, Jack was with Joe. “He’s with Joe. Downstairs.”

“Oh, good. Danny, stay there, okay? I have to drive now, but I’m gonna call Joe and just give him a heads up. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” Joe was good, Joe was fine. Joe understood. 

“Okay, I have to go now. I love you.”

Those words sounded like a beautiful symphony, one only he could hear, composed just for him. “I love you more.”

“I love you most. I’m coming.”

She hung up, and the darkness weighed on him once again. He hoped she wouldn’t be mad at him. How awful of a father was he? He couldn’t even look after his son for an afternoon. He couldn’t even remember where his son was. And Linda would be so mad at him. She’d be mad at him for not eating, for not loving their son, for being a waste of skin. He pulled the blankets over his head and closed his eyes. 

***********

Joe sighed as Linda came up the stairs, looking a little frazzled and frightened. He held Jack in his arms, the baby sleeping soundly. He sat on the floor, outside of Danny’s door. Whispering, Joe explained to her, “I didn’t want to be that far away from him.”

“Thank you.” She kissed his forehead, not wanting to wake Jack up by shifting him for a hug. Joe had really become a good life line for her husband. When she was too far away, or stuck at work with no way out, Joe would swoop in and help. Even if that help was just getting Danny to talk to another human being, he was willing to do anything to help. 

Linda knocked on the door, “Danny? It’s me, Linda. Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” His voice was still strained and muffled. 

Linda walked into the room, and almost switched the lights on. She pulled her hand away from the switch, and walked to the bed. She kneeled next to the thermos on the floor. Slowly, she started peeling away the blankets from his head. Once she could see his face, she ran her fingers along the curve of his skull. “Honey?”

Danny tilted his head, pressing his lips to her palm. She smelled so good like smooth vanilla, vibrant oranges, and sandy beaches. Her palm was cool against his hot, clammy skin. 

“Let’s get you something to eat.” She tugged at his hand, and he reluctantly slid from his cocoon of solitude. She didn’t say anything about his rumpled clothes, or his saddened eyes, or his ashen face. She just led him down the stairs, and plopped him down at the kitchen table. 

He found some comfort in holding Jack, who was now awake. He watched as Linda puttered around the kitchen, getting bread, bananas, and peanut butter. He tried to smile at Joe when he sat down after retrieving the thermos of water from upstairs, cleaning it out, and refilling it. Linda made each of them a peanut butter banana sandwich, with a handful of grapes on the side as well as a container of apple sauce. 

They are together, making light chatter. They talked about how Joe was completely creaming Danny in poker, and how Danny had multiple properties and houses in monopoly. They talked about Jamie in Boston, and how his graduation was coming up. 

Danny helped Linda clean the kitchen, and didn’t protest when she suggested a shower. There was formula in the fridge for Jack, and Joe was fully capable of taking care of him for a little while longer. For once, the scalding hot water felt good on Danny’s skin. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Linda ran the wash cloth over his shoulder and down his arm. He didn’t protest this, either. In fact, it was a welcome change to feel her hands on his body. 

“It was just a bad day,” he felt better now, but not great. “I don’t know. It was just a bad day.”

She stopped rubbing the wash cloth over his taut stomach. “I’m sorry. Did you take your pills this morning?”

He closed his eyes and hung his head a little. He hadn’t taken them. “No.”

“Honey, we’ve been over this. When did you take them last?” She resumed her slow motions with the wash cloth. 

The held back tears finally came, the spray of the shower drowning out the sobs. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I’m so bad. I’m terrible. I’m despicable.” And he sunk to the floor of the shower, not caring how pathetic he was acting. He didn’t care if he was acting like a five year old. He didn’t care that he was a grown man with a wife, and a house, and a job, and a son. He didn’t care. 

Linda quickly dropped to the floor as well, putting a hand on his shoulder. She guided him into a hug, silently praying for him as he cried so hard he started coughing. She coaxed him to his feet, shut off the water, and guided him to sit on the bath mat. She didn’t want him inhaling the water, and she wanted him to feel like he had enough space. 

Danny apologized without registering his words. He apologized for being a burden, a nuisance. He apologized for being unworthy of Linda, of her undying love and devotion. He apologized for being a crummy father, and a worse human being. 

Linda had had enough of his apologies; he was apologizing for this he didn’t even do! If she had let him go on, she was sure he’d apologize for the sinking of the Titanic, and the fall of Roman Empire. “Danny!”

Danny only now realized Linda’s hands were on his face. His lip quivered as he tried to see her through tear stained eyes. He gripped her wrists, trying to get control of himself. His eyes closed as she kissed his face, her lips setting fire to his skin. He let her sit in his lap, straddling him, hugging him to her. He didn’t know how long it took, but his tears stopped and his breathing was even. 

“Sorry.” Danny mumbled, not wanting to let Linda go. 

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart. Never apologize for hard days.”

Silence hung in the bathroom, and Danny started shivering. The warm water on his skin was gone now, and now that his body temperature returned to normal, he was cold. Linda, of course, noticed this. 

“Let’s get dried off and dressed, okay? And afterwards, we can watch a movie under some blanket and drink some hot chocolate, okay?”

Danny nodded. That sounded good and welcoming. He ran his hands down her sides before she stood, “I love you. I don’t deserve you at all. You’re so good to me, I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you most.” He pushed her hair behind her ear, bringing her face down to meet his. He kissed her, pouring all his love and thanks and appreciation into that kiss. 

Linda sighed into his mouth, his lungs finally feeling like they were adequately holding his air. “I think you should call in sick tomorrow. Something’s stressing you out. I think it’d be good to just take a breather.”

“Are you gonna make me talk to Brie?”

“Yes. She’s in Maine right now, so we’ll have to call her. But you need to talk to her.”

“I know.” 

They got up then, toweled themselves dry, and slipped into comfortable clothes. They walked downstairs hand in hand, and watched one of Danny’s favorite movies. At around four, Linda and Danny finally went home. She kept him in her sights at all times, and he tried to stay in her sight. He didn’t trust himself alone that day, not after that embarrassing breakdown. 

Once Jack was securely tucked into his bed, Danny took Linda’s had and led her to their room. They sat on the bed, and he powerfully kissed her again. Between kisses, he murmured, “thank you. Thank you for taking care of me.”

Linda felt the mattress beneath her back now. She relaxed further when his hands rested on her stomach, beneath her shirt. “Anything for you.”


End file.
